Updated: Jun 13, 2022
Chaos Jester asks "What is the next step in our grand evil plan?"
S reveals the word “…meow.”
“Meow?” asks Chaos Jester.
“That will be all,” S says.
Chaos Jester returns to his laboratory and shuts off his computer. He sits down on his stool.
“What do you think he meant by meow?” Chaos Jester ponders.
“Wait, what am I doing here? Why am I at the University? Why am I in a lab in the physics building?” Chaos Jester asks himself.
“Just do it, you’re here for a reason,” says Chaos Jester.
“Alright, what now?” asks Chaos Jester.
“Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow.”
“Gee I wonder what he meant by meow.” asks Chaos Jester.
“Hmmm, I don’t know. Wait, what is he saying now?” asks Chaos Jester.
“…meow meow meow,” the surrounding students scream in unison.
“Could it be?” asks Chaos Jester.
“DAA DAA DAA DAA,” then the students scream “KITTENS!!!”
Chaos Jester, terrified, darts out of his lab.
“HELP!! YOU’VE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE, NOW!” yells Chaos Jester.
Chaos Jester rushes across campus and tries to find the infested campus buildings.
"KITTENS!! KITTENS!!! KITTENS!!! KITTENS!!!," chant the sorority girls.
Chaos Jester cannot enter the sorority buildings because they are pure evil. He rushes through the campus and finally finds a dumpster in an alley. Chaos Jester runs into the dumpster and quickly closes the lid. He crawls into the darkness of the dumpster and places his hands over his eyes.
"Kittens, meow, meow, meow, meow." Chaos Jester whispers.
S appears in the dark alley, "Good, you’re awake, now you can get rid of them. You’re the chosen one. Follow my directions and no evil can defeat us." says S.
"Now, I must lead you to your next challenge, the infested dorms." says S.
S takes Chaos Jester to the infested dorms. Chaos Jester runs down the hallways of the dorms, dodging the evil ones. Finally, Chaos Jester is captured by the evil ones and brought into a secret room in the hall of his dorm. A large number of mimes appear from the dark corners of the room. Chaos Jester wakes up, sweating. He looks up at the mimes.
"What's this, why am I here?” asks Chaos Jester.
"That's for me to know and you to find out," S replies.
The mimes rush over to Chaos Jester, they take his arms and legs, and drag him into a mime printing room. Chaos Jester is bound to a printing machine.
"Hey, now we've got him." says a mime.
S appears, "Yeah, just like we planned. Don't worry, you're fine. Now I will tell you my story.”
S recounts his tale of destiny “Long, long ago, Chaos Jester was created by me. His destiny was for him to become the king of cats. I always felt there was something missing from this mortal world. I created Chaos Jester to be the one thing I was not: immortal.”
Chaos Jester, overcome by horror, and dread, stares into the faces of the mimes.
“Oh no, please, no,” says Chaos Jester.
“Every immortal must contend with an impossible series of challenges, or die. All must struggle to survive in a world plagued by evil, but protected by good. Those that manage to do so are accepted as godlike beings by the good and rewarded with everlasting life. For most, the challenge is simply a matter of survival.”
“But for Chaos Jester, the challenge was much more difficult.” says S.
Chaos Jester mutters to himself, “So I have to kill all the evil ones.”
“One step at a time,” says S.
“Chaos Jester is ready to begin his journey.”
In a flash, Chaos Jester morphs into a huge, gray and black cat.
"There, that's better." says S.
"But, where's my time stone?" says Chaos Jester.
"It's not just any time stone, it is the time stone. It is what we use to travel across the universe."
"Fine, but how do I get it?" asks Chaos Jester.
Chaos Jester is propelled into the infinity of space. Back in the dorm, the evil ones catch up with Chaos Jester and take him to a mime court.
"First, you have to beat all the mimes." says a mime.
"Easy." says Chaos Jester, "I have used my powers, I should be able to win."
Chaos Jester tosses a black ball at a mime. The mime sneezes.
"How did you do that?" asks S.
"Time magic, I had time to do it." says Chaos Jester.
Chaos Jester throws another black ball. The mime mocks him. Chaos Jester cackles at him. The mime says something back to him. Chaos Jester spins a ball of energy in his palm, the mime spins around him. Chaos Jester snorts. The mime sniffs Chaos Jester. Chaos Jester shrugs, the mime stumbles and loses his balance. Chaos Jester takes advantage of the mime's confused state. Chaos Jester levitates the mime up into the air and launches a rock at him. Chaos Jester hits the mime in the eye. The mime howls in pain and falls.
"You will now represent our group in the Demon's Tournament." says the mime.
"What's a Demon's Tournament?" asks Chaos Jester.
"I will tell you." says the mime.
"Good." says Chaos Jester.
"The Demon's Tournament is a contest that decides the greatest evil of this realm. This competition is referred to as the Demon's Tournament. For all of us. the blood of our enemies will make us stronger, we will gain strength."
Chaos Jester grins.
"But there is only one spot. Only one person. Only one evil. The space inside a person's heart. The space that makes us human. Only the strongest will be able to take the space. Only the best will survive. Only the strongest will be able to live forever."
"That must be who I am," says Chaos Jester.
"Yes." says the mime.
"Oh." says Chaos Jester.
"Now, you will fight in a series of battles." says the mime. "In each battle, you will kill the opponents. But not kill them, kill them in such a way that they wish they had never been born."
"Sounds like fun." says Chaos Jester.
The evil one's make their way to the evil arena. Chaos Jester goes to the Evil Arena and fights. Chaos Jester flips his helmet. He then pulls a boulder out of nowhere and smashes it into the opponents head. He grabs the boulder and then pounds it into the face of the opponent. He stands in front of his opponent and scowls at him. The opponent retreats. Chaos Jester is getting impatient. The opponent looks at him. Chaos Jester growls.
"Fight." says Chaos Jester.
The opponents looks at Chaos Jester, then pulls out a heavy machine gun and aims it at Chaos Jester. Chaos Jester steps back and grins at the opponent. The opponent fires. The bullet goes through Chaos Jester and hits the opponent's sister. The sister screams in horror. The brother scrambles to get to her. Chaos Jester laughs. He picks the gun back up and fires at the brother.
The brother turns to look at Chaos Jester. The bullet goes through the brother and the brother falls. Chaos Jester lifts the brother up and smashes him to the ground. Chaos Jester looks at the brother.
"There is no justice in this world." says Chaos Jester.
The brother falls to the ground. Chaos Jester steps over him. The brother coughs up blood. The brother is dead. The sister runs away. Chaos Jester smiles. Chaos Jester defeats two opponents and wins.
"Chaos Jester wins the first round." says the announcer.
"Excellent." says Chaos Jester.
"Now, the second round will begin. Chaos Jester and the mime. Can you defeat the Evil One and his five minions?" says the announcer.
"Yes." says Chaos Jester.
Chaos Jester and the mime grab their weapons and head to the evil arena.
"The Evil One has returned. The demons are chanting his name." says the announcer.
The Evil One goes to the center of the arena.
"The Evil One, answer my challenge." says Chaos Jester.
The Evil One smirks.
"Challenge accepted. I will defeat you in this tournament. I am the strongest and the most evil of all evil. I will be the Demon's Champion."
Chaos Jester's face is cold.
"I will not lose. Not by your hand." says Chaos Jester.
The Evil One grabs an axe and begins to swing it. Chaos Jester draws his sword and jumps onto the Evil One's back. Chaos Jester's sword cuts into the Evil One's skull. Chaos Jester then leaps off of the Evil One's back and slices the Evil One's head off. The Evil One falls to the ground, his blood dripping from his head. The Evil One is dead. Chaos Jester laughs. The crowd is shocked. They do not know what to think.
Chaos Jester's smile drops. His eyes grow dark.
"Foolish humans. You cannot defeat the Evil One. You are foolish and do not deserve to live. Now, the curse of the demon king will fall upon all of you."
The crowd begins to panic. The voice of the demon king screams out to Chaos Jester. The crowd screams and runs away. Chaos Jester raises his sword.
"No one can escape death. Death is the end of the line. I am Death. And I am coming to take you all. Then I will unleash Hell upon this world. I will start with this kingdom. So beware, death is coming. Not one person will escape death."
Chaos Jester begins to laugh. The demon king laughs too. His voice rises. The voice is truly evil.
"Welcome to Hell!"
Chaos Jester swings his sword at the demon king and begins to slice him into pieces. The demon king screams in pain and begs Chaos Jester to stop.
"Stop!" yells the demon king.
"Ha ha ha ha!" laughs Chaos Jester.
He begins to slice more and more pieces of the demon king. He raises his sword in the air. Chaos Jester's smile grows wider. He is enjoying this. The demon king is a puppet and Chaos Jester is the puppeteer. The demon king is Death. Death is what the demon king has been waiting for his entire life. The demon king has been waiting for Chaos Jester to kill him. He stares at the demon king.
"I have waited for you." says Chaos Jester.
Chaos Jester slowly approaches the demon king, a smile on his face. Chaos Jester is ready for this. He approaches the demon king and stands next to him. Taking his sword, he stabs the demon king in the heart. The demon king stumbles back. Chaos Jester swings his sword at the demon king, crushing him into a million pieces.
The demon king disappears. Chaos Jester leaps into the air and laughs. He begins to laugh harder. He is laughing because he has finally won. Chaos Jester has destroyed the demon king. He has finally won the demon king's soul. The demon king is dead. The demon king will forever be a shell of his former self. Chaos Jester's body begins to light up. The smoke fills the air and darkness falls upon the area.
"Well, that was fun." says Chaos Jester.
The crowd cheers for Chaos Jester. Chaos Jester smiles.
"Everyone, the time has come for the third and final battle. All of you are going to fight the darkest and evilest of souls in this tournament. So, let the final battle begin!"
The crowd begins to cheer.
"Rage and fury!" says Chaos Jester.
Chaos Jester faces them all. Chaos Jester begins to cast his spell. Chaos Jester begins to grow his arms into spiky, sharp claws. The crowd can see the claws. Chaos Jester then bends down and begins to grow an enormous dragon head. A terrifying, horrifying dragon head. A dragon head that reaches to the clouds. One that is truly something out of nightmares.
"ZOMG!" says people around the world.
The dragon's eyes begin to glow red. The dragon's roar becomes a deafening roar. Chaos Jester's eyes turn red as well. Chaos Jester begins to do a spin, his face aflame. His body begins to lift off the ground. He raises his sword in the air, and begins to glow like a sun. His sword begins to heat up and the temperature of the atmosphere rises. He then grabs the sword in his hand and begins to hurl it at the ground.
The sword slams into the earth. The swords grows hotter and hotter. The sword melts the ground. He then begins to stab the sword into the ground. The sword is like a giant spring, exploding. The sword goes on and on, into the very depths of the earth. Chaos Jester screams and screams. He pushes the sword, which becomes a ton of stone, deep into the earth. He continues to push. The sword begins to glow as if it's fueled by magical energy.
Suddenly, the earth shakes. The earth bursts. The earth expands. Chaos Jester's body grows until he is a great mountain in the middle of the Earth. Chaos Jester then pops his head out of the Earth.
"All of you, are going to die!" Chaos Jester exclaims.
A wave of evil rises from Chaos Jester. A wave of pure evil with teeth, wings, and fire. The wave begins to take form. The wave forms into a Dragon. A Dragon with a red dragon's head and a dragon's tail. The dragon has a small, dark, human-like head on top of its body. The Dragon's body looks very thin. The dragon is like a snake. The Dragon's tail is long and pointed. The tail rests on the ground. The crowd screams.
"Now, the final fight." says Chaos Jester. He looks around. His body grows more solid and more muscular. It begins to glow with power.
Suddenly, the Dragon raises his head, roaring with fury.
"LET THE CHAOS BEGIN!"
A demonic explosion erupts from Chaos Jester. An explosion of death, a small fireball starts to grow from Chaos Jester. The fireball starts to grow larger and larger, until it is huge, making Chaos Jester look as if he's wearing a steel blue skeleton suit.
"ZOMG! That's awesome!" shouts the crowd.
"DIE!" screams Chaos Jester.
The fireball explodes. A blast of heat and flame moves out from the fireball. This flame slams into the ground and a huge fire bursts forth. The fire moves over the field, sucking up earth and hitting rocks, crushing them. The flames continue to move forward and eventually rise into the sky, reaching into the clouds. The flames slowly dissipate.
The crowd is left in silence. Chaos Jester stands in the middle of this desolate place. The field has been completely obliterated by him. Everything is either lying on the ground, buried in the earth, or burnt and obliterated. He grins, satisfied.
"I will now kill the entire population of the Earth." says Chaos Jester.
The earth trembles. Chaos Jester's voice gets louder.
A giant sphere of pure energy erupts out of the ground. The sphere looks like a star. Chaos Jester grabs the sphere and throws it at the Earth. The sphere strikes the Earth and explodes.
A bright flash of light illuminates the night sky. The Earth is thrown into chaos. The plants and animals burst into flame. The sky erupts with fire. A huge storm of hellfire is launched from the center of the Earth and is sent at the sky. The earth is covered with a large firestorm. Chaos Jester yells "END TURN!" He then smiles and laughs.
"Yes! We're finally here. And now I am ending the world." says Chaos Jester.
And with that, Chaos Jester starts the countdown. He counts down from three to zero. He laughs and laughs, even harder and harder. The hellfire explodes into a massive mass of hot, molten lava. A huge mass of fire hits the sky and, at the same time, it explodes in a massive, fiery blast that starts to push forward. The Earth rips in two. The entire Earth explodes in a huge, fiery blast.
It's official. Chaos Jester has finished the world. He smiles. Then he laughs some more. He points at the world, laughing and giggling. He a sip from his cup. He laughs and drinks his beer.
"That is a badass ending to this world. That's the best end I've ever seen. Now I just have to get to a beer festival."