This is Journalist Anon with an exclusive interview with 2024 presidential candidate Jester Teller. Jester, thanks for joining me today. I really appreciate it. We have a lot to discuss. The slogan for your campaign is "Reclaiming Liberty." What exactly does that mean?
Well, the reason why I chose that slogan because there isn't any more freedom in America; there is only the illusion of freedom. Our corrupt overbearing government has especially attacked our freedom of speech. As you know, free speech is the cornerstone of every society. Without it, people will be forced into a prison of conformity and forced to accept everything that is said without question.
I agree with you completely. The government has done a terrible job of allowing people to speak up. But how exactly will you reclaim our freedom?
If I'm elected President, then I plan on abolishing federal taxes, most of our federal laws, and the corrupt federal agencies. State rights will be respected. Under my administration there would be no federal laws on guns, drugs, or abortion. We also need to get rid of all restrictions on free speech. I think that we are currently seeing just how dangerous it can be for the government to control people's ability to freely express themselves.
Your platform is pretty radical, Mr. Teller. Are you sure that you're going to be able to carry it out?
I certainly hope so, but we will see what happens in November 2024. I have faith that the majority of Americans are sick of government regulations and taxes. And I am hoping that enough people will rally behind me to carry out my promise.
So you believe that you will be president of the United States, then?
Looking at my competition... Yes. The choices the people have are a dementia patient, either Trump who couldn't do anything the first time or DeSantis who will just be Trump lite, or me a cool super villain who brings you freedom and memes.
Interesting. Okay, I'm going to switch gears a little bit here, because I've had a lot of questions about your personal life in the past. You seem like an interesting individual. Do you have any hobbies?
Video games, writing, studying philosophy, meme making, and trolling are my hobbies.
Trolls have been a controversial topic on social media recently. Do you think that trolls have a place in society?
Oh yeah, absolutely. I enjoy being a troll, and I have no plans on stopping anytime soon. Trolls make fun of things, and that is something that we desperately need more of in this world.
That's the opinion of many, but not all. Many people have been very critical of trolls, claiming that they only seek to destroy the things they hate.
Trolls are just people with a different point of view. Why would they all have to think the same? I think that people should be exposed to all different types of thoughts and perspectives, not just those that are accepted by the majority. There are too many people out there that only listen to the opinions of people that agree with them, and that's why we keep having wars. Speaking of wars, I also plan to cut military funding and not have any troops abroad.
Will that be possible, considering the number of US servicemen stationed in countries around the world?
Yes. We are going to have a big reduction in our budget, and we will be focusing on the internal problems that plague this country, rather than spending money on other countries. No money to foreign countries under me.
Very interesting. Okay, back to questions about your campaign. How do you intend to get elected?
By making memes, spreading my message, and convincing America that they want a strong leader who tells it like it is. People want someone who says what they're thinking. They don't want another politician who is all nice and politically correct, trying to convince us that we have the best democracy in the world, but not actually saying anything.
You do have a point there. The American people are fed up with politicians who are just telling them what they want to hear, but then turn right back around and do whatever is convenient for themselves.
Exactly. They tell the moronic voters what they want to hear and pretend they like them. Not me though, I'm a candidate you can trust. By the way, I'm also going to work on getting every American a check for $420.69.
You're not serious?
What do you mean not serious? This is one of my campaign promises, and I intend on keeping it. That's the kind of leader I am. I also plan to make anime real.
That's what the people want, and I intend to do my best to deliver it to them! I'll make sure the world is filled with robot anime girls!
You really believe that people want to see robots with huge tits walking around, just like they have in anime?
Of course they do, and you can quote me on it.
Do you have any other campaign promises that you can share?
I also plan on making America smarter. Because it sure is filled with idiots. First, I will fix our education system. Teach our children how to think not about social and gender issues. Second, I want to add a council of philosophers to our government to determine our nation's governing philosophy.
You want to change the philosophical foundation of the United States?
Why not? Everyone knows America is a failed experiment, and we need to fix things. We need a new system that truly gives power to the people. I also believe that the workplace should be run democratically. How can we say we're free if what effects us the most, our work, is a dictatorship?
You want to put power in the hands of the people?
That's my platform. I want a real democracy in America.
How will that work?
It may seem impossible, but there have been many times in history where man has accomplished what was once thought impossible.
How do you expect your idea to gain popularity in a country that is full of people who have never learned to think critically or for themselves?
Through the power of meme magic. The American people may be idiots but they love memes. That is how I will educate them on my ideas.
You mean you will post images on the internet that will spread your idea.
Yes. I am aware that this strategy is not original, but my plan is more powerful than you may realize. First, most of these people are addicted to their cell phones anyway. They are constantly looking at their screens, so they are already conditioned to look at images on the internet. Second, there are hundreds of memes out there that already speak to me. I just need to find one that speaks to the people. Finally, once I get people talking about my ideas, I will have an army of people to spread my message.
What will you call your movement?
I will not use a name. This is important. I will not call anyone to action. I will make them choose to join. I will give them the information, and they can do with it what they wish.
So you'll just post memes and hope that others will do your work for you?
Correct. This is a radical idea, and I understand if you don't agree. Many thinkers have tried to change the world, but none has ever gotten it right. We need to be different.
But how will you get anything done without a name, without leaders, without an organization?
That's the whole point. Everything will be done by the people, for the people. I'm not running as a person. I'm running as an idea. A meme.
What about you? What will you do after you win?
Nothing. My role will be completed. I will let the American people make it happen. I want nothing more than to watch the country transform into a real democracy. It's not just some far off dream. It's our destiny as Americans.
That last comment made me pause and reflect. Did Jester Teller really believe that he could turn America into a real democracy, or did he simply feel that it was the right thing to say? I had to think about this, but I couldn't stop thinking about his plans.
I had never considered how a meme army might be used in an election, but I could clearly see why Jester Teller would want to use it this way. Once his people started spreading images of him on Facebook, Twitter, Gab, and Instagram, millions would soon start talking about his ideas. Soon, he would have an army of activists all talking about his campaign. If he wanted his movement to win, there was only one thing he had to do. He just needed to give them hope. Give them something to believe in, and they would do the rest.